Thursday, November 12, 2009

Sometimes I feel like screaming

Today there was more progress than before, amazingly. I did have a mini breakdown in order to achieve it. After threatening to throw everything away while she went to work, my mother then proceeded to tell me to find my own place to live.

If you didn't catch it before, I was recently hit by a car, and now have at least three doctors appointments a week. I can't afford an apartment and I don't have the faculties at the moment to maintain a therefore it was an empty threat. I returned the favor with a not so empty statement: if I move out and the house still looks the way it does, I'm going off the grid. That's right, I've done it before. If she doesn't get the house into a place that is livable, I will move out and not contact her again. I have no compunctions about doing it since she causes more pain in my life than pleasure, and it will finally be me doing something for myself instead of her.

I think she actually took me to heart on it, since I have disappeared previously. She got a bag and started gathering stuff to be thrown away. UNFORTUNATELY another rodent died int our house. Yes, the smell is atrocious. I can't stand being forced into that kind of situation. My sanity holds on by threads and one snaps each day.

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